Another Beginning

Hello fellow reader, friend, family - whoever happens to be reading this. So yes, obviously if you have clicked on this link or somehow found this post.. you are seeing and currently reading my first ever blog. I never thought I would be a blogger kind-of-person but here I am. I have been thinking about this for quite some time but any time this idea would pop into my mind - I would shut it down for multiple reasons.

A. I didn't think I would be good enough.

I was always the one to win "Most creative writer" on those little paper plate awards in elementary and middle school... but as time went forward .. I stopped writing and didn't really care to. I get inside my head a lot (I live there too often) about whether the stuff I write//think would be worthy of peoples liking or if it would be something worth reading.

B. I don't want it to be about me.

Yes, I want these posts to be a naturally raw experience for the reader of what goes on within my thoughts - ultimately constructed by my Creator and savior- but I want it to be something relatable for people as they read. I want others to find this space to be safe and comfortable because they can understand themselves and life better through the words I type out.

C. Perfectionism... aka self criticism.

I can sometimes be overly critical about what I write and will write and rewrite it so many times that I just give up... oof. But for the most part I try to type out what Im thinking from moment to moment so its in its most genuine form.

Okay, so enough about what was holding me back from creating this. Now its created and we are here sooo since we have all gathered here today - I should probably start to type out what I actually want to write in this post...

another beginning.

In life, we tend to be futuristic thinkers. Constantly thinking about our futures- what we will look like, what we will wear, whats on our to-do lists, what we should eat for dinner, who we will marry, having kids, where we will live, all the things.

It can consume our mind.

It can take away our presence. Our pleasure of being in the present.

We sometimes live in these little spaces within our minds of these future ideals we have. We live there and we forget that we are presently in our yesterdays future fantasies. [if that makes sense]. We once thought about or even hyper-fixated about where we are right now. We forget that we are living//breathing in the moments that we once thought about or prayed over.

When we decide to live so deep into our thoughts on the future we create these expectations for the future to play out almost identical to how we pictured it. & sometimes it does happen the way we pictured it ... but most of the time (at least in my life) i've realized that it doesn't always happen the way I imagined or live up to the expectations my mind had created.

that can be a hard pill to swallow...

when life doesn't happen the way WE want it to.

A lot of the times.. we can be futuristic thinkers about the big events of life. I know thats typically what my mind hyper-fixates on most of the time. The big events are what we think of when we hear " to new beginnings". Moving to a new place, joining a new community, the first day at a new job, going to college, the "I do's" at a wedding, taking your baby home for the first time. We think of those things as the BIG beginnings..

And there are small beginnings within those.

Like making new friends, or finding your favorite place to eat after a big move, or your baby's first steps or even the first tantrum.

As time moves on we are changing. Change introduce beginnings.

We are constantly going through beginnings... because time is constantly moving. Every little metamorphosis in life.. whether it's what we think of as BIG or what we think of as SMALL... it's a beginning. A beginning to something that is to come.

A year ago, I wouldn't have imagined the beginnings that would follow. I was looking forward to graduating from college (or at least hoping I would pass my tests to lead to that), I was thinking I would stay in the same college town and work around there, I was hoping to stay for a few more years at the ministry I was involved with, I thought about being friends with the same people I was around at the time, & I felt settled...

Well....

I moved to an island.

That was a BIG beginning.

Small beginnings followed - > as I found a new church//community, I started having new interests/hobbies (pickle-ball, crossfit), I enjoy being by myself a lot more than before, I have a new job as a nurse at the hospital here, and there are a lot more small beginnings.

It was not at all what I had imagined or had expected.

Yet, this time... the thing about it not meeting those expectations.... it did not disappoint. It was actually an even better imagery as it played out in real time than what I had fixated on inside my thoughts. It was change... and it was scary... But it was oh-so exciting too.

I was okay with opening up my hands, and just allowing God to flow into my head with the idea of "move to an island". Just one day... it popped into my head. It never left. I prayed on it. It never left.

Never.

So that idea.. that God-given idea. Turned into action.

&&& Ive been here since the end of April - I have loved it. Even the learning curves and the hard things Ive gone through to get to this moment I'm currently in. I have loved it. It's all been sewn together by the Creator.

Even this... even the decision to write.

Because it was once just an idea that popped into my head.... and its never left.

Never.

So heres to another beginning.